The measure of a successful mother

Today's post is deep and thought-provoking.  I feel nervous posting this!  But here goes....

For some unknown reason I've been thinking about this topic on and off all week.  I love being a mother.  I fill fulfilled as a mother.  From the moment I brought Lachlan home from hospital I felt at peace - like I'd finally found my purpose.  I felt 'this was the role for me'.  I don't want to imagine the day when I'll have no babies at home during the day or heaven forbid, when they all leave home :( boo hoo... (This may well be because my boys are only 3 and 18mths and I haven't got totally sick of playdough, teddy bear's picnics and playing at the park.)

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't find motherhood easy, and it certainly has not been without it's horrendous days full of screaming and crying from mother and children alike; and of course I crave child-free time (on a frequent-basis) and find the constantness of motherhood a little annoying at times - especially the days when 2 boys follow you to the toliet and hang off your legs all day.  I could recount hundreds of moments that fall into that category of 'annoying/ aggravating moments that accompany motherhood'.  But that's not the mood I'm in - today I'm in the "I appreciate all the blessings that come with motherhood" mood.    

Anyway, to get to the point, after having a few discussions with other mothers this week about various topics, I got to thinking: What makes a successful parent?  How does one measure the success of a mother?    Is it the number of activities you take your children to?  Is it the number of children you choose to have?  Because, surely you must a great mother if you have lots of children. right?  Is it measured by the number of tantrums your child throws out in public?  (If this is it, I scored very low at the library on Tuesday when Lachlan screamed at the top of his lungs in 3 seperate tantrums all in the space of 5 minutes...)  Is it measured by the brand of clothes you dress your children in?  Is it measured by your children's skill levels?  Is it measured by the number of toys your child owns?  Are you a successful parent if your children excel academically or in any other chosen area?  Is it measured by the contents of the lunchbox you pack? (Come on, you've all looked at those pristine tupperware boxes filled with scrumptious homemade healthy snacks and cursed the mother who managed to accomplish this and is bouncing around in a fresh white linen dress and perfectly blowdryed hairdo to boot.  No? really must just be me with a terrible problem then.)  Is it measured by the person your child chooses to marry?  Or whether they marry in the temple?  Is it the number of kisses they give you at bedtime?    

I don't have the answer, but offer a thought.  As mothers, we compare ourselves all the time.  (don't we?)  For what?  Perhaps in search of feeling like a successful mother - of building our self-esteem and seeking some sort of credit for our work.  But at the cost of making others feel inadequate?  At the cost of talking so much about how good we are or how wonderful our children are, to the extent that other mothers question their abilities and self-worth?  Would it not be better to boost, encourage and build each other up, sharing laughs and crying about our children without judgement?    

We are all individuals.  We all have different trials, find different things hard or easy.  We all have different children.  I believe there are no perfect rules.  What works for one mother doesn't work for another, just as one set of rules works for one child, but won't for another.  A mother has to do what works for her, and her family.  Some mothers are calm, some extroverted; some mothers are crafty, some are not; some mothers have clear homes with apparent ease, some have crumbs on the carpet.  But all mothers LOVE.  We have to forget the media's image of 'the perfect mother who has it all'.  We have to erase the pedastal we have in our mind of who we want to be like - for that person has troubles and worries too that we just don't know about.  We have to stop counting and start sharing.  Let your guard down once in a while and share with a friend what you really feel.  

So today I congratulate all mothers out there and particularly my friends, who do their job.  That is an accomplishment in itself - to just be a mother day in, day out.  I admire each and every one of you for the individual characteristics you have.  You are all successful mothers in my eyes because you love your children and do what's best for them.  That is all we can do - we can only do the best we can and make choices for our own family, and try a little harder each day.  That will be different for every mother out there.  And I am learning that that is ok.  In fact that is perfect - how else would we learn and grow, if we weren't all different and didn't have varying qualities to share?  So thankyou to all you very special and successful mothers who teach me things everyday.  Thankyou for your friendship and love and support.  Thankyou for allowing me to realise that I have faults.  Thankyou for being my friend.

(Please note, this post is my thoughts and definitely NOT directed at anybody else except me.  I wanted to express my thoughts and thought you may enjoy reading them too.  I think I've always fancied myself as a bit of a writer (I take after my dad) and have found a blog as an outlet.  There was absolutely no offence intended and I hope none was taken.) 

Would love to hear your thoughts too - perhaps I've totally missed the mark!  XX

I can't believe it's February already...

I've given up trying to make up the time I've missed by not blogging since last November....  I can't remember Christmas now anyway and really, do you care now that we are into February of 2009???  

Instead, I'll share the top 10 things that made me happy in January:

1.  I now have a clean, and stylish lounge room filled with gorgeous photos of our family.  -  thanks to my good friend Catherine for the many hours of holding frames up and redesigning me!!

2.  In January alone, I have already completed 2 double layouts and 5 single pages - I'm scrapbooking mad at the moment!

3.  We held our young women's planning sleepover and have the years' activities set.

4.  I finally got to the bottom of Hayden's ongoing disgusting bowel motions, and fixed it.

5.  I have finally come to terms with Hayden's official status of being 'underweight'.  I'm not doing anything wrong and he is healthy!!  Thanks Dr Forbes.

6.  Lazy afternoons spent with family.

7.  I haven't changed wet sheets after naptime for the whole month (I think....)

8.  Swimming at Southbank - boy, I can't get enough of that place!

9.  Realising I have some very special friends who love me!

10.  hmmm....... I can't think..  But I must admit that I've had a delightful time with my children this month.  One of my mummy goals this year is to spend more one-on-one time with each of them.  I've made a special effort to do something special with each of them while the other is sleeping.  This takes hard work, but it's been very rewarding.

I'm excited for 2009.  The boys are growing far too quickly.  I cannot believe Lachlan is a sunbeam....  It makes me a little sad to see him growing into a big boy already, but it's also great fun.  He's got a sense of humour now and he has great conversations and uses the funniest adult-words.  "What was your conversation with your friend about Mum?" hahaha  He loves his own company and has the funniest dialogues going on with his toys.  If he would just stop talking at dinner time...

Hayden is.................. well lots of things like adventurous, happy, whingey, destructive, into everything, but mostly.............. just FAR too cute for his own good!  And boy does he know how cute he is and use it to his advantage.  

As for me - I have many goals this year, but if I only achieve one, it's that I can learn to keep calm and reign in that ugly temper.  It's a work in progress and some days I do so well only to unravel at 6pm..  Changing our weaknesses keeps life interesting I guess!

   

Living in on the EDGE....

This is what I came out to after my 3-minute shower. The chairs were on top of the table from my mopping earlier this morning - well except the one in the left of this picture that Hayden used to climb up onto the table and then into his high chair. The picture doesn't show it but the feet of the highchair were milimetres away from the edge of the table. Those are glass baubles in the vase too - thank goodness he didn't decide to throw those around....
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THIS CHILD? HE IS DRIVING ME NUTS. DOES THE CIRCUS TAKE 16MTH OLDS? The old 1960's wooden playpens are looking good right now - oh, hang on, that's right! he can climb out of it.....

It's Christmas Time

So we put our Christmas tree on Sunday morning but it is only just tonight that I've actually been home to take a photo of it in it's glory (though you can't really appreciate all it's beauty in this photo.) Hayden spent Sunday and Monday pulling off the baubles and throwing them around the house but he seems to have got it all out of his system now and has moved on to terrorising the tv instead - the button goes on, then off, then on all day.... This was part of the reason for my awful day today! May I also add that the tree looked better than this on Sunday before the rearrangement of the decorations.

Sad Farewell

It is with deepest regret and sadness that this week we say goodbye to simultaneous afternoon napping! The time has come. Hayden is determined to have just one sleep and it is usually mid morning for a couple of hours. Lachlan is still having a sleep or even if he doesn't actually catch 40winks he always rests on his bed. But this doesn't happen till about 2pm! So that leaves me with a tag-team effect.

It has been SO nice to have the afternoon peace and quiet to prepare dinner, rest, clean or do some craft. The end has come. Now I'll actually have to entertain Hayden!! Now don't get me wrong, I dearly love the child (except when he's climbing up chairs onto tables, hanging out the windows, escaping through open doors and flinging himself down the stairs...) but the 1-2hrs of peace gave me the time out I needed to pull myself together and gather the energy for the late afternoon dramas. I have far less patience than I should. Some days I have this nagging resentment in the far nether regions of my head causing me to get shirty over tiny things such as, well, let's face it: small children being small children. Why does it take 30mins to clean up after breakfast instead of just 5mins? Why do the floors need sweping 4 times a day? Why can you not tell that I have mopped the floors just 3 hours after I have done so? Why is there 4 loads of washing on the line the day after I've just folded and put 4 loads-worth away in people's drawers?
There are brilliant days as a mother (like yesterday) and then there are the awful days (like today) when you're in a mood and you just can't pull yourself out of it. Just writing this I can feel the tension easing and my temper calming. I will have to come up with a plan to combat this new schedule Hayden has implemented, which is causing stress and disarray to my housework regime or this mother may really go loony....

Melting moments....

Around here I seem to be watching the clock all the time... mentally calculating how many mintues we have left before an activity will end in tantrums/ fights/ tears/ injury/ Mum loses patience/ someone gets sent to their room etc. etc. And then there's a moment. It comes so uexpectedly and yet in perfect timing. When your heart melts, and a big smile spreads across your face subconsiously. All menial tasks are forgotten and you see nothing but that moment. The heart strings tighten and a little lump forms in your throat. For just a few seconds you forget the 2litres of milk someone spilt all over the floor that morning right after you mopped, and you forget that you've just battled with a child for 15minutes over getting dressed and there were tears, tantrums and yelling from everybody involved. For just a few seconds, you remember why you love them. For a few seconds you may even yearn for another newborn. I had a moment like that today. I was trying to prepare dinner and Hayden had been following me around for the last 45mins whinging and clinging to my legs begging to be picked up. You get the picture - he wanted nothing but to be held. I'd put off dinner long enough and it had to be done. Then in wanders Lachlan asking to do craft. "Great!" I say. Let's do drawing so I set them up at the table with felt pens, and Hayden in his highchair too. No more than 5 seconds into my plan than Hayden is sucking the pens. Out come the pencils - but no, they taste great too. In the end I'd taken everything off him. Then began the crying from Hayden, the thrusting to try and escape from the highchair - but to no avail. His mean mother had strapped him in and was getting no symphony from me. Then pipes up Lachlan: "Hayden it's ok. (In this lovely sweet, caring voice). "I'm here. I'll help you". He goes over and pats his head. Then he returns to his seat. "Can you see me cutting Hayden? I'm good at cutting. I'm a big boy". Hayden begins crying again. "Oh, Hayden don't cry, it's ok. Mummy will be here in a minute to get you out. You're ok". Then Lachlan goes over and asks him if he wants a drink. He gives him a cup, waits while Hayden drinks, then takes it back and places it on the bench then goes and begins a game of tickling. In a matter of a few short seconds, Lachlan had reversed Hayden's crying into laughing. I was so very proud of him. For most of today Lachlan had been fighting with Hayden and pushing him away from playing with him. Then out comes this! They will no doubt fight an awful lot in their lives as young boys, but there's a bond there. There's a love there and I hope that I can foster it and help them to grow closer and become friends they will rely on as they grow into teenagers and missionaries and fathers themselves. A few short minutes made my day and I love them dearly - for all of their moments, even the spilt milk.....

This picture was taken when Hayden was just 1 week old. Lachlan was not quite 2.

New traditions

Last week we introduced a new activity for our family - "Friday night games". I am very strict about bedtime with my kids so we rarely go out as a family at night. Hence, we don't have much of a social-life. Sometimes I feel a little guilty about this, asking myself if my boys miss out on 'something' by not being allowed to stay up late or go out at night. If there's an activity at nighttime, Elliot and I will usually go and get a babysit to stay with the boys and if an activity runs into bedtime you can wach me start to stress as the clock ticks by. I get a little anxious and usually have to leave early as I can't cope? What is wrong with me???

But I stand firm in my convictions because it works for me and I NEED it and I personally feel my kids need it. There will be plenty of time for night-outings when the kids get a little older and we're all a bit more able to handle them having a late night. Anyway, back to the point in hand: I looove playing games and decided that we could fit in some family fun before the kids go to bed. So Lachlan picked the game for our first "family friday night games". We played Jenga and a fishing game. Saturday morning we went to Southbank to swim. I'm trying to make more use of the time we have together in the morning before Elliot goes to cricket. We had a ball! We tried the new aquativity area and it was fantastic. We will be going many more times this summer. (I know, I'm probably the last person living just 10minutes from it, to have not tried it...)

With Christmas fast approaching I'm trying to think of some family traditions our little family can have. I've tried each year and we've introduced something new each time but it hasn't been consistent - we haven't repeated the same thing every year. I tried to talk Elliot into a new tradition of putting the Christmas tree up at the start of November but he wasn't all that keen. So I'm off to get some inspiration from others. Thanks Bobbie for all your inspiratin so far - I love it. Only wish I was a little better at managing my time so I could get a whole lot more done!

You'll see what I come up with over the next month or so :-)