There - it's out there. In all it's nakedness for the whole world to see. I avoid motherhood (at times.)
How so? I find being a mother hard. I love it but it's hard. And sometimes I avoid it. I justify that it's activities for the children and so I am mothering but it's not the same. I go to many of Brisbane's great parks, I take the kids bike-riding, I go to storytime at the local library, I go to bunnings, I go to swimming lessons, I go to the cultural centre and swimming at Southbank, I go shopping and we visit friends - I have to be on the go all the time. I've been like that since I was a small child, always looking for something to do, always needing someone to be around (complete strangers suffice and are even often better!). I usually go out somewhere for some period of time each day. And I recently came to the shocking realisation that this is to some small point about avoiding mothering.
You see, when I go out, I don't have to play with the children's toys and make up some fantastic role playing scenarios with the stick people, I don't have to clean up their messes for the umpteenth time and I don't have to think up creative activities to do inside (again which create a lot of mess and requires me to clean again), and last but perhaps the best reason, I don't have to discipline (as much) when we are out. The boys fight and antagonize each other at home but when we are out there are minimal altercations because they are free and busy and engaged in separate places.
We can go and make something creative where I haven't had to think up the idea, clean up the mess or paid a single cent. We can explore and enjoy the world we live in and again pay not a single cent and as a bonus it wears the kids out and they sleep when we get home! I could go on with more justifications but I think you get the idea.
I love going out and I feel good and enjoy spending time with the kids and think that I do a good job at providing a broad range of enriching activities, and the kids love it too.
But this week I realised that I am not providing quite the balance I thought I was.
Lachlan has asked me several times this week "Mummy will you please play with me?" Awwww (groan) - what kind of mother am I? My children don't think I play with them enough... sob....
I think I've forgotten how to play! Now, don't think me so terrible that I don't play with them, because I do - but I'll admit the time I get down on the ground with them has decreased since Hayden started interacting with Lachlan.
So today, after we made paddle-pop-stick people I role-played with him (which I really dislike doing and so avoid if I can) - and I'll admit I sucked and it was so lame - but he watched me with awe and smiled and we laughed and then we giggled and then we started a tickling game and then at Lachlan's request I played Hide and Seek with them and ignored the lunch (and breakfast for that matter) dishes.
So this mother is going to get off facebook (and all her blog-stalking) and get on the ground with the kids.
7 comments:
awww Bev - you're so awesome!!! I love you all so much and think you're just the best mother - you are truly such an inspiration, I promise!!! I wish I had half your energy, then I might be half the mother you are!!! You are the best and we all think so...don't kid yourself, ofcourse there's always room for improvement, but you're pretty damn (DAMN) awesome!!!! ENjoy playing, I'm just going to put another dvd on for the kids (hahaha - jokes!) xxxx
You are a fantastic Mum and don't put yourself down! They are two very lucky boys. Just enjoy it all - it goes by far too quickly.
Hi Bev - everyone is right! You are doing an awesome job, Jason (being in Police) sees so many kids that dont have a hope in the world becuase there are lots of people that just dont care about their kids enough. They dont even get the necesities of life. Sometimes we can see what we are doing and think that its not enough. Continually trying to be better people for our kids is essentually what its all about. Youre doing great!
Well I'll admit I hate playing with my kids ... ok, so maybe hate is a bit of a strong word, but I really dislike it. I will do anything to avoid it. I find it mind numbingly boring. oh dear!
I know there are those who would prefer to play with their children than do other things ... I'm the opposite. I'm guilty of saying way too often "Max - go play with Lewis" :( Doesn't mean I don't put time into doing other things with them.
Of course there are moments when we'll play cars or build blocks or tickle or whatever - but I'm proud that my kids have the ability to play independently too - I taught them that ;) So I can't be too-bad-a-mother ...
Nothing wrong with bike riding, tree climbing, park going and duck feeding - you're a good mum.
Essay over!
Well I'll admit I hate playing with my kids ... ok, so maybe hate is a bit of a strong word, but I really dislike it. I will do anything to avoid it. I find it mind numbingly boring. oh dear!
I know there are those who would prefer to play with their children than do other things ... I'm the opposite. I'm guilty of saying way too often "Max - go play with Lewis" :( Doesn't mean I don't put time into doing other things with them.
Of course there are moments when we'll play cars or build blocks or tickle or whatever - but I'm proud that my kids have the ability to play independently too - I taught them that ;) So I can't be too-bad-a-mother ...
Nothing wrong with bike riding, tree climbing, park going and duck feeding - you're a good mum.
Essay over!
OH I SO AGREE!! you rock bev.. this post was awesome.. might have to steal your idea!! Avoiding Mothering.. what a concept!! LOL
I feel bad for Gabi who plays on her own so much during the day while her sisters are at school.. cause I dont want to play with her!
i can totally relate, however my only difference is I'm too scared to go out! I feel i'm at the mercy of my 2 almost 3year old behavior. And even when i attempt to "play" with the kids i end up cleaning up the toys as we go along, which isn't really playing anyway. Essentially your right about the balance thing, but heck who know where the happy medium is anyway!
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